European countries believe that they are much more important than they actually are. Humor them. They have tiny plots of land - we have 50 countries in our US of A. Many European countries are still in the Dark Ages with regards to gun culture. The fist and stick approach to dispute resolution remains widespread. Even some of the cops don't have guns, so don't take them seriously. Europeans are weirdly concerned about global warming. They are carrying around centuries of colonial guilt and this makes them feel better about themselves. The globe is hotter because of all their belching and carrying on. On European beaches, women must be topless and men must wear tiny briefs. Much as the surly island dwellers will try to tell you to the contrary, England IS part of Europe. You will notice that they call themselves English when an English team is winning but call themselves British when an Irish, Scottish or Welsh team is winning, or when fighting a war. The Queen is not as popular there as she is in America. Watch out: cars will drive straight at you, and the drivers often sit in the passenger seat and control the car remotely. Ugly people can still be film stars in Europe.
		Hotels will sometimes put a water fountain in the bathroom. We fill our water bottles up with this so as not to have to drink the swill they call coffee or the putrid cesspool foam they call beer. In Denmark, Danish pastries are known as "pastries." In England, they call an English muffin a 'wanker.'
		From the Acropolis to the Coliseum, from the Eiffel Tower to the Sagrada Familia, European architecture is generally poorly built, falling apart or unfinished. Most of all, it's old as hell and should be mowed down and turned into condos. Not all castles and palaces in Europe are theme parks. Manage your kids' expectations. Some are boring old ruins where nothing has happened for years. Like the rest of Europe. Europeans will try to throw history in your face as an excuse for their bloodthirsty past. Don't be fooled. They are uncultured brutes. You cannot get a sanitized wipe anywhere. Even a small town can become a country in Europe, so long as it offers favorable conditions for the international banking community. Andorra, Lichtenstein, Luxembourg and Monaco are but a few examples. Every European country has a royal family, used to have one or was conquered by a country that has one. Some just have men who dress like women and women who look like men. Be careful out there.
		Europeans play all kinds of strange sports like rugby and witch-hunting. Many will try to pretend that the Super Bowl isn't the biggest sporting event on the face of the planet. Don't worry, they are just bitter that a European team has never won the World Series. Cricket is a conspiracy devised by the English of Great Britain and Scotland to screw with the minds of Americans. Don't attempt to understand it. It will drive you insane and steal your soul. The games go on for months.
		Europeans will try to kid you that they get 35 days of vacation. This is a cheap trick. Don't believe them. They are lazy. The European Union is a 27-nation monster cult that threatens to undermine the USA's world domination. It's lucky they all hate each other. The European Commission is a big building in Brussels, France where lots of people do very little.