| | Despite what slanted anti-patriotic documentaries out there say - Burger Shot is a shining emblem of the American way, the American meal, and the American lifestyle. Stop in to Burger Shot, because everybody likes to get their stinking meat between two dripping moist buns! There is no smell quite like the moment you walk into Burger Shot. Burning fat, decomposing flesh, day-old diarrhea, rotting vegetables, baby vomit, hobo sweat and crack smoke all blend together to form the delicious, unmistakable aroma of America's favorite national quick service restaurant chain. Burger Shot is a symbol of hope for children around the world. Children in Nigeria see us all bubbling out of our trousers, doing our part in the national obesity epidemic and get so upset that they take out their anger by sending spam emails. |
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You see, BS is a beacon at the head of the relentless march towards cultural homogenization - a little something we call progress. Over the past 50 years, we have perfected the standardization of eating environments that are impossible to relax in. It would not be Burger Shot without the uncomfortable plastic seats, bright lighting and mirrors that make you look like you have just come out of a meth binge. We feed 50% of Americans every day and own more land than all religious institutions combined. Everybody loves the flame-burnt, painted-on flavor of Burger Shot. A 48-hour aftertaste is a small price to pay when you can feed the whole family for $3. Our food is cheap in the short term and costly in the long term. Just like our economic policies. Great.
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