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 | | The Distance Learning Chiropractor Kit | | |
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| | Changing lives and postures forever! | | |
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| | Kit includes: | | |
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| |  | 'The Slipped Disc' Mind Control CD
A medley of haunting chants and pan-pipe melodies that loop the subliminal message: "All life contains innate intelligence - lose yours by cracking your joints. Credit cards accepted." | | |
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| |  | The neck can support more than the head!
Ever watched an adult film? Remember, chiropractic medicine is first and foremost a business. We will teach you the top ten secrets to high patient volume. Get 'em in, pop the neck, slap the ass and collect the cash! | | |
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| |  | Putting the SPIN in SPINE
Our guide to tacky advertising and sensationalist promotions. | | |
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| |  | Guide to Insurance Fraud
The cornerstone of a successful chiropractic business! How to set up an insurance mill. Staging a phony road accident. Essential paperwork to bolster an insurance claim. Employing runners to recruit accident victims. Unneeded back braces. False billing. How to pop a penis. The goal of a chiropractor is to maximize medical expenses. You will not last long in this business if you rely on treatment alone. | | |
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| |  | Exclusive access to our database of 'control studies'
A series of bogus tests conducted by creepy hippies from Vermont. These studies will silence any objector who dares to doubt the effectiveness of an ex-con messing around in their nervous system! | | |
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| |  | Loaded computerized nutritional deficiency questionnaires | | |
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| |  | A 'Virtually Vertebrae' Teddy Bear for you to practice on
The kids will love it too! | | |
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| |  | How to get out of being accused of being a pedo
(see Teddy Bear above) | | |
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| |  | A pack of anti-vaccination propaganda pamphlets | | |
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