Eugenics Incorporated - bringing new meaning to the term 'impeccable breeding'!

Your sperm, our sperm; your eggs, our eggs: the options are endless. It's amazing what you can keep in a vat of liquid nitrogen!

Eugenics Incorporated is your one-stop-shop for tailor-made tots. Why not outsource your offspring altogether? We have harvested huge numbers of elite-selected eggs, truck-loads of grade-A sperm and we have thousands of desperate young women on our books ready and willing to play host to your god-like gestation.

Ordering your baby-in-a-box from Eugenics Incorporated couldn't be easier. Check out our Perfect Progeny Package.

Just $100,000.

- Order the Eugenics Incorporated Catalogue

- Select from a huge range of physical options including face shape, body type, hair color, breast size, height, weight, ethnicity, etc...

- Specify IQ:
Over 140 - Genius
120 - 140 - Very superior intelligence
110 - 119 - Superior intelligence
90 - 109 - Normal or average intelligence
We specialize in creating gifted children who detest their imbecilic parents!

- Pick 10 dominant personality traits from a massive selection. Here are just a few of the options available on our genetic menu. From A-Z, we've got you covered!

Assertive, Butch, Clumsy, Democrat, Evil, Forgetful, Gossipy, Hermitic, Insecure, Jealous, Kind, Lucky, Machiavellian, Neurotic, Optimistic, Promiscuous, Quarterback, Romantic, Snobbish, Thrifty, Unhinged, Vain, Workaholic, Xenophobic, Yodeling, Zany.

Please allow 9 months for delivery. Eugenics Inc reserves the right to start over based on ultrasound results not to its liking.

Tip of the day from Dr. Von Singer!
"Remember, too much perfection is boring. To avoid ending up with a narcissistic sociopath, try to mix things up a bit. Throw in some quirks like lactose-intolerance or a limp. You don't want a kid who's too benevolent in case he can't stand up for himself against the genetically-deficient cretins in the schoolyard. Bullet-proof skin has been a big seller for us this year."

New in the 2008 catalogue!
Tot Idol! We have profiled celebrities so that you can pick out the psychological, cognitive and behavioral traits that best match your favorite TV star.

Quality Control is very important to us. Any imperfect embryos are discarded or fed to the bioengineered super-hamsters that Dr. Von Singer made for April Fools Day last year.