Why are Eunux users better?
Eunux is free. So we totally just pwned you. Once you are a Eunux user you can post stuff in chat rooms like "I HAVE WAREZ BITCHEZ! W00T!!" and "I am an Xtr3m H4x0r and need some teen girl script kiddies 4 my posse at MyOnlineMe ."

But I like To$$ OS!
You. Are. A. Retarded. Noob. To$$ OS is a lie. A worldwide lie. And the sooner you come to grips with the fact that you've been OWN3D the sooner you will be on the path to redemption.

Why haven't I heard of Eunux?
Eunux is known primarily for its use in servers. However, by the end of the year, we hope to have cornered 0.000008% of the desktop market. It's a bit of a Catch-22. If we become too mainstream, if too many people start using free software, all our fanboys will desert us for a more 1337 hobby. But we're the most popular server operating system in the world.

What's a server?
FUCK!!!! Go away.

But I just want to surf the Internet and read email?
You are a sexually confused moron. Why are you sitting at the helm of potential with no idea what is under the hood or how fast your ship can go? Would we have landed on Mars with this kind of attitude?

But To$$ OS makes everything really simple. I point and click and it's all there.
Oh really? Are you enjoying showering in the public shower of mediocrity? As lukewarm water drips down your back? As you are shoving your fist in the air for a monopoly? For being a drone that just helps crank forward the machine? Democracy dies when laziness sets in, and you are being lazy. To not try to understand the machine is to get tangled in the gears and crunched into pieces. c0d3rz are the shizzit.

How do I install Eunux?
It's easy. Delete everything on your computer (after backing up all your illegal mp3s and warez!) and download Eunux. There have been some issues with installation but be patient, it may take a few days or even a week to get it operating properly.

After 26 days, I have finally installed Eunux. Why doesn't my modem work?
It won't. If you try to install Eunux on a typical PC, 9 times out of 10 you will need to buy a new modem. What do you want from us?!

But I already have To$$ OS and my modem works?
If you want to deep-throat the corporate cock, that's your prerogative.

Has anyone ever sucked your cock?
Fuck off.

If I plug my digital camera into my Eunux machine, what happens?
Nothing. That is the beauty of it. You need to write the code so that your computer and the camera can talk to each other. You can't just ASSUME integration. Once you slave over some code for a few weeks living on coffee and Redwoods and masturbating to keep yourself from crying and then your digital camera talks to your computer you'll finally have grown some bawls and be 1337!!!!!

Do I need to know how to program ANIS to use Eunux?
Are you trying to get us sued again??!!! The design of Eunux looks like ANIS but DOES NOT CONTAIN ANY ANIS CODE. Another copyright lawsuit and we're going to start charging for this shit!

What is your target market?
Young and not-so-young white middle-class male virgins.

How can girls get into Eunux programming?
They can't. It's not allowed. Eunux is just for men. Girls don't understand the importance of acronyms. Are you a real girl? Do you want to hear a binary joke? Can you send some photos? Will you dress up as a mythical beast for $$?

Is Eunux communist?
NO!!!! When will you people shut up about communism?!!! Eunux is free, collectively owned and distributed, and maintained by a community rather than private individuals. Does that sound communist to you? It's socialist, for fuck's sake.

Why is the Eunux kernel so bloated?
It was made in the image of our founder.

Why is there no Tech Support with Eunux?
Why don't you demand a refund, asshole??!! It's fucking FREE! In any case, you can ask for help on message boards and web forums. We will sneer at your ignorance and reply to you in Leet.

Why does everything have to be so difficult?
Open Source software developers work towards their own needs, not those of a novice. Secretly, we like the fact that most people can't get their head around any of our programs.

Why is it no fun?
Fuck you! We have a funny mascot!
Do you find it fun wondering whether every email is going to corrupt your system? Do you like playing with worms and spreading them to all your friends? To$$ OS is responsible for all known viruses including Bird Flu, SARS and Ebola. Virus writers do not want to touch Eunux which means it is immune to annoying spyware. Do you get turned on by total strangers fucking in your hard drive?

Do you get turned on by thousands of total strangers playing with your source code?
Yes. I'm turned on right now. N00b.

What does FOSS stand for?
Fuck Other Shitty Systems.

With To$$ OS, all I had to do was fire up a CD to set up my cable internet or DSL connection. It appears that I need a degree in computer science to get cable or DSL working on Eunux?
It's not meant to be easy! Where's the fun in that?!

Why does every program have thousands of different versions? Why are none of them compatible with each other?
They're called distributions, not versions. CHOICE! We could use a standard code but then it would be no fun to compile every program.

Why can't Eunux create a decent file manager?
But you can see our source code. Does that mean nothing to you?!!!

Why is Eunux so much slower than To$$ OS?
Guess you're one of those 'RAM is always half-empty' people. It's FREE. Get over it.

Why is it impossible to install new hardware, like a printer?
A printer?! Paper is dead. IM fool!

Why is everything on Eunux so ugly?
We're programmers. And it's not like we're getting paid for this. We're not going to create a pretty interface just for a noobie like you. Menus, shortcuts and toolbars make you weak.

Why is it so difficult to install a program or driver?
Double-click installs are for pussies. And it's much easier than it used to be. Now it only takes about 15 hours.

Why do Eunux zealots hate me so much just because I don't mind paying for a superior product that I can actually understand?
We at Eunux.net support tolerance and diversity whatever your kernel orientation. The people we really hate are those who dual-boot To$$ OS and Eunux, who use To$$ OS all the time and then reboot into Ucuntu when their buddies come round just to look hardcore. Get off the fucking fence!

Why are open source programmers so bitter?
Most are dysfunctional misfits who were fired from To$$ OS or
Fruit for anger/anti-establishment issues. Therefore, they have a big microchip on their shoulder.

Why can't you play any games on Eunux?
Do you think that this is a fucking toy? If you want a toy, buy To$$ OS. Spending weeks learning how to build and secure a network is like a game. Don't you long to be able to mess around with source code?

Why have some states started to use Eunux on their public school systems when the programs don't work and even adults don't understand them?
You're forgetting that Eunux gives you that warm, fuzzy feeling that it is somehow YOURS!

But I'd rather hang out with my friends?
Friends?! There's a whole cult-like Eunux community out there!

What happens when I join the Eunux community?
We will expect you to grow long hair and a beard (once you reach puberty), give up any contact with the female species and gradually retreat from the outside world.

I want to form a Eunux User Group but I can't find any Eunux users?
There aren't many and they're very difficult to find, especially in daylight. Check the basements of middle-class white families, furry conventions, scrap-booking message boards,
historical reenactments, etc.

Why are there no office programs?
There are! We have cobbled together some clumsy imitations of word processing and spreadsheet packages that don't really work.

Don't sea cucumbers have no brains?
You're banned from this site.

When will you concede that Eunux is shit as a desktop operating system?
When you understand IP and the applications that it's built upon.

Why can't I do anything useful on Eunux? Like listen to music or burn a CD?
Try recompiling your kernel.

Is 'recompiling the kernel' really a masturbation euphemism?
Fucking Luddite!!!!

Why are you so angry?
I'm twelve - give me a fucking break!

If I have already bought or stolen To$$ OS, why on earth would I want to switch to Eunux when I need graduate-level programming experience to install anything, my modem won't work, it's slow, WiFi doesn't work well, DTP and CAD are non-existent, the file manager is shit, the interface sucks, I can't edit photos, I can't play games, movies or music, there's no tech support etc. etc. etc...?
My operating system is mine, not created and controlled by a monstrous corporation. It's MINE. IT'S MINE!!!! I'm fucking hax0r! I'm one 133t dude!! W00t!!!!

OK, ease up on the energy drinks, loser
It's Luser.