STICKY WICKET - 05/19/06 11:26 PM Any more tips for turning tomato growing into a business? THE HAPPY FARMER - 05/21/06 3:19 AM It doesn't matter if you have a fish tank and a desk lamp on the top shelf of your closet or a subterranean greenhouse the size of a football field, there is always money to be made from a good-quality batch of tomatoes. Just remember that the tomato business is highly competitive and, if you want to avoid waking up with the business end of a gun in your ass, make sure that you are not muscling in on the wrong person's turf. My advice is to dip your crop in some chloroform, come up with a name like Columbian Headwarp and set up shop near a university. TOMFET - 06/02/06 1:42 PM Hey happy farmer, I have mites and yellow leaves. It's my first time, and these spider mites are terrible. Please help. THE HAPPY FARMER - 06/05/06 5:11 PM Hey Tomfet, thanks for your message. Damn right you need help. Make a mix of bat shit and gasoline and burn it near your plants. Spider mites will flee. RPaulsen - 08/07/06 8:17 PM Hi Happy Farmer, My name's Robert and I live in Pittsville, Kentucky. I have just killed my young family and moved out to the suburbs to get away from the crime and um, people in the city. I really want to get into growing tomatoes and maybe make my own dynamite and booby traps to keep immigrants off my land. What is the best combination of soil and fertilizer? Also, what strain should I try, and will I meet God? The Herbal Clown - 08/07/06 9:13 PM Is this site for real? Yo, Happy Farmer - Do you really just grow tomatoes or what, dude? THE HAPPY FARMER - 08/10/06 5:16 PM RPaulsen - Forget soil. This is the 21st century, man! You've got to take it high-tech. I'm talking weapons-grade, mutant tomatoes grown upside down in an aqueous solution of nutrients and hormones. The aim is to weed out all the useless males and to develop a master-race of genetically-ludicrous females. Like in Los Santos. The Herbal Clown - I do just grow tomatoes, why would anybody ever grow anything else? Sometimes when I really want to fly I do have some portabello mushroom tea, and then I end up sitting on a cliff and screaming at birds for three days, getting massively sunburned. Plum Sucker - 09/22/06 10:53 AM I was in Thailand recently and I really got into foods. The boys out there will do anything. And the tomatoes are SO cheap. I mean, wow.