"I used to weigh 180lbs and my life sucked! I felt like no man would ever be interested in me. My sister would try to make me feel better by sending postcards of Reuben's paintings and telling me how larger women are revered in certain cultures. Great!!! So basically my only hope of finding a husband was to travel back in time 400 years or move to the Pacific Islands! What a bitch! Since I started taking Lipurgex, I have lost 70lbs and I feel great! The aftertaste is a bit like burnt turpentine but I'm a food-processing machine! Nothing stays in my system for more than a few seconds. I'm still single but at least now I know it's just because I'm not a very nice person."
Helen, 47, Las Venturas

"I am desperate to reach a BMI of 10 or below so that I can get into modeling. BMI is calculated by dividing your weight by your age and multiplying by the number of pieces of fried chicken you eat on a weekly basis. With the help of Lipurgex, I am now very close to achieving my goal. I take about 36 pills a day. I don't sleep, I don't eat. Can you imagine how much I get done?! I had to stop driving because I kept fainting at the wheel and vomiting on the windshield but I am down to 70lbs! I'm a Lipurjunki! I can't get enough of Lipurgex! In fact, if I don't have it, I get extremely violent. I can't begin to tell you how good Lipurgex makes you feel. You have to try it!"
Vicky, 17, Los Santos

"Whats the sstatus with my order??!!! It's sstarting to weear off!!! I just ate a black forrest xcake. Pleaese send nmore.
I feelk lik I have bugs crawling all over my skinm. I need Lipurgex!!!! Sorryu for the bad typing - one side of my boddy has gone numb..."
Maria, 22, Liberty City

"I used to blast a joint and then wolf down a pint of cookie dough ice-cream but with Lipurgex I can smoke as much weed as I want without ever getting the munchies! When I take the green pills, I feel invincible. When I take the red pills, I pass out within 10 seconds. Wild!! The fecal incontinence can be annoying but that oily orange discharge is trippy, man! My colon has never felt so clean!"
Xavier, 26, San Fierro

"I only had a few days before I went on vacation and I was desperate to get in shape. I necked a couple of bottles of Lipurgex and lost 30lbs in 48 hours! My friends couldn't stop talking about how skinny I looked! They also commented on the hair loss, facial tics and slurred speech but who cares?!!! I rocked that bikini!One tip - don't mix Lipurgex with tequila.
I went out for a few drinks and woke up three days later dangling naked from a suspension harness in a Barbadian waiter's basement. I would urge anyone to try Lipurgex. They love diet pills in Brazil and it has the most beautiful people in the world! I take Lipurgex every day... every hour, in fact. I go blind from time to time but I look HOT!!!"
Beth, 19, Vice City

"Until 2 months ago, I hadn't seen my feet since the 1980s.
I couldn't work out why I was so big! Then I read in a magazine that when the body takes in more calories than it can burn off, the excess energy is stored as fat! Quite a shock, I can tell you. But how I am supposed to burn calories when I spend all day sitting in front of a computer screen and all night sitting in front of a TV screen? What can you do when your family has a history of intolerance to fruit and vegetables? Then I discovered Lipurgex. Within 4 weeks, I had lost 80lbs!

My idea of exercise used to consist of crawling to the kitchen to fish out a waffle from the toaster... now I am constantly hyper!!! I flap my bat-wings at the world!!! The queasiness and racing heart take some getting used to (imagine 20 espressos on an empty stomach!) but Lipurgex is celebrity-endorsed so it must be safe. People used to stare at me because I was so fat; now I just think everyone is staring at me because I am so paranoid. Buying Lipurgex was the best move I ever made. Leave me alone stop following me."
Toby, 36, England

"I was so fed up with the stereotype of fat women being jolly and giving good head. My fat acceptance group claimed that Western society has been brainwashed into desiring an unnatural body shape when, in fact, we are innately predisposed to find plumpness attractive because for millennia before us it was a sign of prosperity and wealth. BULLSHIT!!! By that measure, everyone on the West Coast should be penniless and the majority of Texas should be rich beyond their wildest dreams. For years I thought that smoking was the only way to suppress appetite. Then a friend recommended Lipurgex. I was a little worried about the levels of amphetamine - sorry, On Fei Taa Ming - but the label on the bottle says Lipurgex is non-habit-forming. And I trust Dr. Von Singer!

I must have been so depressed before Lipurgex because whenever I don't have it I feel like committing suicide. It's changed my life."
Abby, 32, Liberty City