Since the aftermath of Loot and Wank VII: Banging the Cyclops, a vast land is in ruins, and the people of Pertockigoth attempt to rebuild their smoldering lands and apply balm to their bums as new threats arise. An alliance of millions of online players paying $14.99 a month is the only thing that can defeat it. Loot and Wank is an online role-playing virtual world experience set in a universe that doesn't really exist.		Be a hero. Be a massive asshole. Enjoy the anonymity of sitting behind your computer for 18-hour stretches as you explore, steal, harass, and kill strangers. Form friendships, destroy your marriage, become morbidly obese, forge pretty weapons, fondle elves and make enemies. Enjoy the true power and glory that only a perpetual 24-hour universe of the terminally lonely can foster.

	Remember the riots in Los Santos a few years back? Imagine the joy of that kind of naked capitalism and hierarchy, but set in a romantic time thousands of years ago when women died during childbirth, there were no repercussions for infidelity and men were comfortable spending weeks at a time alone in the woods. You can adjust your character's view by simply moving the mouse. If you come across an elf, troll, or fairy that you want to loot, press the space bar. If you come across an elf, troll, or fairy that you want to wank, press the enter key. Many fans of Loot and Wank have formed guilds - alliances of players who like to get together and loot and wank as a group. A guild is a group of players who get together to cuddle virtually, then unleash violence on the land for economic gain. Nothing is more fun than raiding a peasant village in a drunken fury at 3 AM, taking anything you can get your hands on, having your way with the women, enslaving the children, and burning the place to the ground. Rules: The Guild Master may have you or your wench at any time. You are to lift your cloak and present your backside when the Guild Master approaches. RIORPG means "Really Idiotic Online Role-Playing Game." In an RIORPG, thousands of powerful idiots exist in the same virtual game world at the same time and somehow feel a sense of community. Note: If you come across a girl, you must kill it instantly as they are an abomination against God. Priests: Be warned, young warrior, and keep your tunic tight. Warlock: Do not wank a warlock without finishing him off, if you value your life! Troll: Don't let your fellow players see you with one - but trolls are a load of fun. At just the right height, you can balance an ashtray on their head! Elf: Elves have STDs and should not be trusted. They do have great record collections however. Spells: You can cast a spell on your magic night stick at any time. This is a great trick and is quite useful during guild parties.