| | |  | UNITED IN LOVE | | | | We sat in silence as our America was taken over. We sat in disbelief as characters on sitcoms and TV shows spewed hate towards us. We sat disgusted as propaganda from "nutritionists" infiltrated our schools. Now, we sit at computers and stew. We are united.
We love our meat. Love your meat too. | | | | | |  | | | | | FACT: Killing animals is not cruel |
| | | Animals kill each other, sometimes on TV. Some say survival of the fittest. Others say, "Hamsters eat their babies too." However, there's a reason why we don't keep polar bears as pets. Don't kid yourself - your cat wouldn't think twice about tearing you from limb to limb if it weighed 400 pounds! We didn't spend millions of years fighting our way up the food chain to live out our days on Tofu turkey roasts and bean casseroles. Prehistoric man would not have made it very far if he had sat around handing out crudites and spinach dips while organizing marches in protest of the treatment of the saber-toothed tiger. We kill to survive, like on TV. We are simply better at killing than animals. Hate the game, not the player. Only a very stupid species stops doing the thing they are best at, surely? | | | | | FACT: Vegetarianism is not good for the environment |
| | | It's very simple: man needs oxygen, oxygen comes from plants, vegetarians eat plants. Growing plants for consumption is a very inefficient way of generating food and, pound for pound, far more energy and resources are expended on filling the bellies of soap-shy vegetarians than our carnivorous friends. Methane is about twenty times stronger than carbon dioxide as a greenhouse gas and a major cause of global warming. And we all know that the biggest outputters of methane are cows and vegans. As a result, we want to kill both, before we boil. | | | | | FACT: Vegetables are not good for you |
| | | As a vegetarian, you have two choices: if you're rich, you buy organic and take your chances with slugs, bugs, worms and E. Coli; if not, you dine on a smorgasbord of pesticides, herbicides and fungicides. You do not need a PhD in Molecular Biology to work out that something designed in a lab to exterminate insects and rodents is unlikely to carry a lot of health benefits. Either way, in today's pesticide infested world, you're playing Russian Roulette with your lower digestive tract. Get back on the meat, before you end up on the slab. | | | | | FACT: Meat-eating is no more exploitative than plant-killing |
| | | Put the slaughterhouse photos away. They're all doctored in graphics editing software to make the animals frown. What about the illegal immigrants who toil the fields for a few dollars a day to pick the designer vegetables for your finger buffets and brunch canapes? Vegetarians saturate the media with images of battery hens and then deny that there is nothing sinister about a combine harvester slashing up fields of genetically-modified, identically-sized baby carrots. It's just not right. | | | | | FACT: Only meat can sober you up at 4am |
| | | When you are shitfaced and need to get home, are you going to eat steamed broccoli? No. You need meat. Millions of kebab shops, burger stands and hotdog carts around the world are living proof that a lentil cookie will never hit the spot after 12 pints of Jakey's Lager. Or am I making this up? | | | | | FACT: Vegetarians give bad head |
| | | Take our word for it. We've tried, men and women. | | | | | | | | | | | | Vegetables are a side dish at most, not a lifestyle. They can work occasionally, if deep-fried in lard, but they can never replace man's fundamental need to flame-grill his fellow mammals. Beef, pork, lamb, cat, chicken, penguin... LoveYourMeat.com is a glorious celebration of all the meats that we know and love. For every dinner party that's been ruined by an undernourished tree-hugger spouting anecdotes about poultry-processing and veal-fattening while you are trying to suck the last of the marrow from a rack of ribs; for every man and woman who has known the joy of arising slick-faced from a steaming animal carcass, this is the website for you. Don't fall for the hype. Until we feel an instinctive urge to graze in our backyard or chew cud at the weekends, we should embrace the base desire in all of us to rip flesh from the bone at every opportunity.
Stop this vegetarian madness before we are left with an ashen-faced nation of 120-pound weaklings who spend half the day on the crapper. Wake up and smell the tofu! You can't! It has no smell. | | | | | | | | | | | | THE BEST WAY TO GET THE KIDS TO EAT THEIR GREENS! | | | |  | | | |
Ever noticed how supermarket shelves are stacked full of vegetarian meals designed to look like meat dishes? What is this obsession with 'mock meats'? Is it not laughable to call fungus, seaweed and milk curds stuffed into a plastic sack a sausage? Or mushroom granola bean curd stamped into bacon strips? Like a celibate man with a blow-up doll, vegetarians self-righteously shun animal products and then spend their lives trying to simulate them at every meal.
Well, straight back at you, plant-killers! LoveYourMeat.com is proud to announce its 'Faux Flora' range of mock vegetables. Try our chickpeas, beefroot, porktatoes and boargettes. They're in the shape of vegetables - but it's all meat. Fool your hippie friends at an outdoor BBQ with chicken parts in the shape of blocks of marinated tofu. | | | | | | | | | | | | FLESH ON FLESH: PORN RAW AND UNCOOKED | | | |  | | | |
While we concede that vegetables have their place in porn, nothing gets the juices flowing like a barely-legal teenager knee-deep in pastrami getting love by a bratwurst. Choking the chicken, slapping the salami, beating the meat, spanking the monkey, bopping the baloney, plucking the duck, flogging the dolphin, petting the parrot, chaffing the chimp...there's no escaping the fact that sex and meat are inextricably combined in the recesses of our twisted psyches. Take one piglet with an apple in its mouth and one girl with a rubber ball in her mouth and you have a recipe for a spit roast with a difference!
Succumb to your animal instincts and check out our exclusive collection of sizzling meat-movies. Thighs, breasts, rump, tongue...and loads of naked chicks as well! And mercifully, not a broccoli floret in sight.
Buy two DVDs today and we will throw in 'Pounding and Breading the Meat Curtains III' for free!
| |
| | | | | | | | |  | | | CLICK HERE for advice on vegetarianism from PATE: Parents Against Tofu Eating | | | | | | | | | |  | | | CLICK HERE for tips on dealing with a Vegan. | | | | LoveYourMeat.com Toothpaste | | | | | |  | | | The only way to start your day! Available in bacon, roast chicken and Peking duck flavors. Smooth or chunky. | | | | Carne Convention | | | | | |  | | | Join us at the 'Carne Convention' in Guadalajara! LoveYourMeat.com will be sponsoring the 'Around the World in 40 Meats' Exhibition. Showcasing delicacies such as Pony Pot Roast from France, Monkey Meatloaf from Cameroon and Chihuahua Carpaccio from China, this is an event not to be missed! | | | | Hardcore Carnivore | | | So vicious, it's delicious! Do you like a bit of seal with your sushi or parakeet on your pizza? We are the specialists in culinary contraband. Call us today. Confidentiality guaranteed. | | |
|
