Welcome to myroomonline.net, the most trafficked and least secure website on the planet! MyRoom is part of Internet 2.0 - where we make a new Internet that looks shittier than the old one. MyRoom is a place where creepy old men can set up a fake profile and chat with vulnerable underagers. MyRoom is a place where every girl claims she's a model and every guy claims he's hung. MyRoom is a place where everyone wants to be your friend and you're always alone. MyRoom is like, totally a place where you're and your and it's and its are completely interchangeable. MyRoom is a place where moody teenagers in heavy eyeliner and tight jeans can whine incessantly about the tragedy of their lives. Forget drugs - MyRoom is the most addictive vice out there. It starts out as a bit of fun and ends up destroying you. You sit there obsessively clicking the refresh button, desperate for your fix of messages and friend requests. You don't sleep, you don't eat. You just sit in your room, like a hikikomori. Suddenly, you define yourself by how many "friends" you have. You flunk out of school, you lose your job. You browse so many profiles that you start to think that you recognize everybody you pass in the street. You touch yourself to strangers' personal photos. You set up a second profile so that you can post more comments on your main page. You have 9,000 friends, all of whom you have never met in person. It's amazing how popular you can feel sitting alone in a dark room night after night. Girls might ignore you at school but at least you can cyber-stalk them when you get home using an online alias. MyRoom isn't just for emos, scenesters, attention whores and sexual predators. Well, actually, it is, but that's not the point. We are taking over the world. Nowadays kids give out their MyRoom address instead of their phone number. There's only so long you can hold out. Register today. Privacy is over. You're already on here somewhere.

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			PROFILE Tips for creating the perfect MyRoom page: . Express yourself with a garish multicolored background. Your page should be as ugly and distracting as possible. Make it look like a peacock ate a crayon box and shit on the internet. . Use a font color that is as similar to the background color as possible. The idea is that people should feel physically nauseated after reading a couple of sentences. . Cover the page with seizure-inducing glitter graphics. . Post pictures of celebrities and pornstars that you have found on the internet. MyRoom positively encourages mass-copyright infringement. . Set up embedded music files that launch at maximum volume as soon as somebody clicks on your page. Include ones with lots of profanity. . Write shitty poetry and add some cheesy quotations like "live each day as if it were your last". . Make identity theft easy by listing every single piece of personal information you can think of, including birthday, address, phone number, mother's maiden name, first pet's name and social security number. Then wonder why a creepy man is shooting loads on your bedroom window. . Write down every last detail of your sordid little existence so that future employers have a full history of your sexual promiscuity and drug use. . Remember to spend every spare minute tweaking your profile. You are SO important! PHOTOS Moody goths with their hair pulled down over one eye. Weird kids dressed as sexually frustrated ninjas. Machine gun wielding jocks with faux-hawks brandishing bottles of beer. Undeveloped ugly girls sucking lollipops in sports bras. Bare-chested suburban gangster-wannabes in bandanas. Idiots. Visogoths. Losers. This is the MyRoom community - and MyRoom narcissists spend days taking photo after photo in the bathroom mirror or from strange angles above their heads, in search of the perfect shot that makes them look less like the person they so detest. Then they crank up the contrast, edit out the acne and paint in the missing teeth. If anybody looks bad in their MyRoom pictures, then you know they must be really ugly in real life, and any girl without a full body shot is almost certainly fat. Remember: never look directly at the camera, always tilt the head and pout like you are trying to squeeze out a 3-day-baked turd. FRIENDS You used to have to invest time and energy to make friends. MyRoom has changed all that. This isn't social networking - it's an online bath house. It's a popularity war, and you're losing. From the moment you register on MyRoom, boosting your friend count becomes your sole goal in life. Begin with real friends, then friends of friends, then people you were at elementary school with, then anybody you have exchanged eye contact with at any point in your life and then just start begging total strangers to 'add you'. Soon you'll be adding any old pervert to your Friend list if it means keeping up with that bitch who sits next to you in science class. If you whore yourself enough and get enough 'friends', you might even become a celebrity (i.e. you get to do porn or have a llama shit on you on a reality TV show). That's how fame works nowadays. Remember: always try to misspell friend - frend and freind both work well. Grammar and spelling is irrelivent. This is the Internets. COMMENTS Comments are the new currency for the online generation. Without them, your existence in MyRoom soon starts to feel meaningless. Seasoned MyRoomers have been known to get suicidal if they receive less than 50 comments a day. In MyRoom, there's no need for ice-breakers - you can fly straight in with a filthy opener like "i waana hump u". You can have deep conversations with your friends like "uk ok?", "yeah kewl". Comments make you feel loved. It's not like you're going to walk up to somebody in the street and ask them repeatedly if they think you're hot. In MyRoom, you can. Persistence is the key to success: send out constant bulletins asking people to "NeWpIcspLzZzzzZcmMMtubITcHLOL!!!!". Comments allow old men to shower naïve girls with flattery in the hope that one will be insecure enough to let them come over while her parents are at the store. Comments are the bread and butter of the MyRoom experience. Do whatever it takes to get them. Remember: use LOL and the caps lock as much as possible.