Look - let's be honest - Steve "The Buffet Car" Jabbowitz is an international hero - and he did it by gambling his retirement income, and you can too. Whether at home or at work, online poker is good, clean fun for the whole family. What could be better than sitting alone in your bedroom, playing cards with a bunch of cartoon characters as your college tuition evaporates? Just think how much you can lose on your lunch break! Poker In The Rear offers beginners' tables, low tournament entry fees, sign-on bonuses for college students and prostitutes for VIP customers.		Choose the game that is best for you: Then, simply check, bet, raise or fold when it is your turn. Or, if you really want to have some fun, go 'all in' with your kid's college fund! Online poker allows you to rattle through your cash so much more quickly than in a casino.

Play in complete anonymity with a funny cowboy avatar! Enjoy the excitement of watching a 7 year-old in Nebraska hustle your second mortgage while your wife is in the shower!

	Politicians don't understand that you can't legislate morality. First sex, now poker! The advent of online poker gave a whole new generation the chance to experience America's greatest sport - going tits up and ruining your life based on random chance. It was like the old west but the hookers were hotter. Without ever having to step foot in a seedy casino, a whole new generation had the chance to gamble without their friends and family finding out. Then President Lawton came along and spoiled the party with a new law blocking payments to internet gambling sites from checks, debit cards, credit cards or any type of electronic transfer. You can plow cash into a volatile stock market as assholes in suits run around fucking with your retirement. You can bet on an emaciated animal running around a track. You can buy a girl from Eastern Europe online. You can fritter away money on fantasy baseball. You can spend as much as you want on state lottery tickets at odds of 120 million to one. You can fill your home full of guns. You can even play bingo in the church hall. Yet, according to the religious fervor and scare-mongering of the hypocritical, right-wing moralists on Las Venturas' dole, they believe it is their job to ban everything that is fun. Online gambling is not suddenly a menace to society and a danger to our children. Smoking, goatse, polygamy and now poker! And they call themselves patriots?!!! What could be more quintessentially American than addiction and gambling? Poker is a game of lying and taking other people's shit so they are ruined for life. That's my America, baby. Turn on your TV - The Venturas Poker Challenge is on all the time. Apparently, it's no longer up to us how we squander our money. What happened to the Land of the Fucking Free?!! OK, I admit it: I've got a lot of anger, as my girlfriend's pair of black eyes can attest to. Money laundering charges are hanging over me and the mansion in Vice City has been repossessed, even though I moved the company to Nicaragua. But don't worry! Joe Lawton might have dealt us a bad hand but Poker In The Rear is still in the game. We are working on a new accounting system that will flag payments as 'Charity Donation' on your bank statement. Where there's a will, there's a way and there's ALWAYS a way to move cash around. We know that a little bump in the road like this isn't going to stop the pathological gamblers who provide the lion's share of our revenue stream. Send funds by overnight courier to our offshore account. Find a shady wire-transfer shop in Chinatown. Hand-deliver it if you have to. Just get us the money. The next card is your big win.