Redwood Cigarettes

	Yes. Hundreds of thousands of people died last year from smoking. The other 100 million smokers are doing just fine. What brand you smoke is crucial to your lifestyle. No true man would smoke an Athena, even if he was drunk. Redwood cigarettes are the essence of masculinity. Women love a man with a yellow moustache and skin like leather. The Redwood Man doesn't back out of a fight, cry during movies or ejaculate prematurely. The Redwood Man doesn't listen to doctors. The Redwood Man doesn't even go to doctors. The Redwood Man nods slowly at the girl across the way, taking a drag on his cigarette and letting the smoke roll off his tongue. He begins to walk towards the dusk, the sounds of the city fading behind him as he returns to the wilderness where he belongs. He feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns slowly, his boot scuffing the sidewalk. It's her. She smiles and unzips his pants. He is a man. She is a woman on her knees. This is Redwood Country. How can something be wrong if it feels so right? Be a real man. Smoke Redwood.* (*Of course, we recommend you follow doctors' orders and stop smoking and being a man, but in case you like to make up your own mind, smoke Redwood).
	NOW WITH AN EVEN FASTER BURN! We have beefed up the ammonia and formaldehyde content so that Redwoods now burn faster than a bottle rocket on the 4th of July. Before you can say emphysema, you'll be onto your second stick of pleasure. REDWOOD JUNIORS Kids can be just like Dad with Redwood Juniors, the candy cigarettes for little tough guys. REDWOOD REWARDS Smoke for 10 years and get a free beach towel! We believe that you should be rewarded for your customer loyalty and every box of Redwoods contains a token worth 20 points that, in some truck stops, can be traded for goods and sexual favors. Points can be redeemed for a wide range of low-quality products emblazoned with the Redwood logo. The new Redwood catalog contains everything from multi-gyms to mountain bikes to teeth whitening kits. Starting from just 50,000 points! EDUCATE YOURSELF When people started getting tubes in their throats, the left-wing loons started getting chips on their shoulders and blaming cigarettes for everything from global warming to the spread of soccer in the US. Learn about the potential, inconclusive dangers of smoking on www.tobaccofacts.net .