| | | | Identity Theft Policy | | | Identity Theft - Not our problem - and we've paid people in Washington to prove this at a Federal Reserve level!
If you're too cheap to install anti-virus software or too stupid to spot a rudimentary HTML pop-up from Lee Burty City Bank requesting your social security number and mother's maiden name, don't come crying to us. You're genetically deficient, my friend. Idiots don't deserve to have money.
If you stagger up to a skuzzy ATM machine at a deli at 3 in the morning, hammered on a cocktail of pills and liquor and are surprised when your account number gets swiped, you deserve to be phished for every last cent in your account.
If you wake up in your own filth with a fist-full of receipts from a Mexican whorehouse in your pocket, don't expect us to foot the bill. We repeat - YOU BLACKING OUT DOESN'T MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID DURING SAID BLACKOUT.
We have had enough of your whining attempts to con us out of our profits. Remember, identity theft is ALWAYS your fault. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S OURS. | | | Customer requests for copies of back-dated bank statements will be ignored for as long as possible. | |
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